Pointless

So I was forced to start this blog in a class in high school and it has been a couple of years since them, I am at the start of my junior year of college. Since then I have only made like five posts. Although I would like to use the blog more but I don't really know what to write about.
I am a computer science major. I might have to stay an extra year at school because I just decided my major last year. I love all my classes although I don't like getting up for them. I have two jobs. One is a work study job where I tutor children between pre-k and eighth grade. At the other I work up at the school's cafeteria. Both are relatively easy just takes a lot of energy some times. Since I just started my second job last week it will be interesting to see how it will balance with school. On Tuesdays and Thursdays I don't have any classes so I go straight from working at one job to the other. But I have a lot of loans to pay off and no money right now. I don't even know what I want to do after I graduate.
School work isn't hard for me but what is hard is getting motivated. Sometimes I am so afraid that i am just going to screw up that I don't try anything. I always feel that people will look down on me and that they always want someone else. That nothing I do will be good enough. This feeling goes into more than just school but school is the main part of my life right now.
Other than school and work I hang out with friends and go to Bible studies(this is a christian campus). On weekends I work and watch an over abundance of movies or I read. I love movies and books. Especially ones with romance in them, but not so much romantic comedies. The movie pool has been overloaded with them and there are only so many that I can watch. Right now my favorite TV show is TrueBlood, although I like the books better. There is so much more information that is given to you straight in a book that is hard to deduce from a movie.

Well thats it for today,
B

Doll House

Its a show that was cancelled in 2009 but it is really good. I just discovered it on Netflix. The show is about people who cant handle their pain so they sign their bodies over to a corporation for five years. The corp. then wipes their minds and fills them with other personalities to live out the fantasies of others. One of their "actives", what they call the dolls, is evolving and causing rifts in the house. Its a must see.

End of the Year

The end of this school year is coming up, I only have two days of classes left and four days of finals. Its nice but its also nerve wracking because that means I am going to be a junior next year and I just decided my major this year. The way classes are set up cause me not to know if I am going to graduate on time or not. I don't have difficulties with my classes or anything, in fact I do well in them but I just don't really know what to do. I really don't want to grow up but soon I don't think I will have a choice.
I don't want to be a college student forever but I also don't want to go into the world and get tied down right away. With collage expenses (loans, loans and more loans), there is no way that I can do anything other than get a job and pay them back. Then by the time I get out of that tie, I will probably have another one....marriage. Not that it is a bad thing but it definitely ties you down and then maybe kids and then there is no choice, all freedom is taken away. I don't want to be stuck, I want to see every part of the world that I can. America is only the land of dreams but that is all it comes too. Dreams.
I'm afraid that I am going to be forever stuck doing what every one else does and not really living. Whats the point of spending your life working. Why did I go to college, isn't it really just a trap of a pattern of what people say life is supposed to be and is there really any hope of escaping it.